Sian Claire Owen

2011-07-06T12:42:00.000-07:00

Guess what happened to me today…

2011-05-19T09:22:00.000-07:00

One of the major perks of being a freelance journo is the travel writing that I get to do. I love it! Who wouldn’t? Antigua, Miami, cruises, boot camps… it’s all been super fun.

So this is the thing. I was asked to write a feature on honeymoon destinations in Malta for a wedding publication I write for, and I was thrilled! So thrilled that when I received my itinerary, in my fuzzy ‘I’m going to Malta!!!!!’ rush I failed to read the check-in time properly. When I read 6.30, I didn’t see the ‘PM’ on the line below (my printer is naff). So I assumed it read 6.30am.

Has anyone ever spent 12 hours in an airport terminal for no apparent reason? The clue is in the word ‘terminal’. And what makes it worse is that it’s a direct result of my phenomenal dizziness. I really need to wake up sometimes.

So, to alleviate my boredom I’m going to describe, in minute detail, exactly what happened to me today whilst waiting in Terminal 4 of Heathrow airport. Prepare to be thrilled out of your mind…

5.45am

Leave easyHotel for airport. Oh yeah, I was soooo orgnaised that I booked a hotel to stay in the night before, just so I could start my exciting day of airport fun as early as humanly possible. Go me.

6.00am

Worry that there is no check-in desk open for Air Malta, despite my CLEARLY STATED departure time of 6.30.

6.15am

Ask Airport Ticket Services yet again why, despite the eTicket I was holding in my very hand, was there no airplane to take me to Malta? Airport Ticket Services look at me like I’m mad. I don’t know why. They are the mad ones.

6.30am

Decide that my eTicket is wrong, and aim to try and hop on the 10.50am Malta flight anyway, because that is the only flight to Malta listed on the Check-in information board.

6.31am

Find a spare seat, open laptop. Do work.

6.34am

Decide to have a cup of tea to calm down at Café Rouge instead. Then, having ordered said cup of tea, panic and cancel order. Run back to Air Malta check-in desk.

6.36am

Get told by staff not to come back until 8.30am.

6.40am

Too embarrassed to go back to Café Rouge. Decide to hide behind Airport Ticket Services instead. Open laptop, do some work.

8.30am

Go to check in. Refrain from calling the head of Air Malta and the Press Office due to niggling suspicion that something isn’t quite right. Thankfully there is quite a queue, confirming that there is indeed a flight to Malta from Terminal 4.

8.42am

Hand in passport, hand over suitcase, looking forward to being on a beach in Malta within hours. Only to be told very kindly by the bemused attendant that my flight isn’t due to take off until 8.30pm.

8.43am

Pick myself off the floor, die a thousand deaths, apologise and quietly head back to Café Rouge to deal with my idiocy. Hope they don’t spit in my tea.

8.50 – 10.50am

Comfort-eat for a couple of hours. Drink about 10 pints of coffee. Start to feel trippy. The staff keep coming across to ask if I’m okay. It’s nice that they care about my wellbeing. Do some more work on laptop. Thank the Lord for Wi Fi. Even if it costs £1,000,000 per minute.

11.00am

Brave the toilets. They smell of wee and there was a used sanitary towel on the floor of one of the cubicles. I want to cry.

11.01am

Find a nice corner. Open laptop. Work. Decide that I will not waste today and will be super-productive.

13.00pm

Get distracted by two Nigerians who are talking loudly about oil, telecommunications and religion. Which is what it’s all about at the end of the day, I guess.

14.30pm

Walk outside for some fresh air where everyone was smoking. Watch an airplane rev its engines. Went back inside.

14.35pm

Notice that there are only two shops in Terminal 4: a WH Smith and a luggage shop. Got worried that I found this really, really interesting.

14.45pm

Focused on work again, which was hard because I was bordering on the edge of hysteria by this point.

15.00pm

My mum calls me to see how things are going. We had a good old laugh at how silly I am. I laugh far too long and loudly. People start to stare and edge away.

16.00pm

Go outside, look at a bird. Go back inside.

16.05pm

Back in Café Rouge. Start laughing at my own internal dialogue. Out loud.

16.10pm

If I was an item of luggage, what item would I be and why?

16.30pm

Any thought about leaving Terminal 4 makes me afraid. I belong here. I don’t want to leave. Ever. This is my home now.

16.45pm

Brave the toilets again. Offensive used feminine hygiene product has been removed. I don’t envy the cleaners.

17.00pm

Back in Café Rouge. More coffee. Not really a good idea but at least I’ve not hit the bottle. Yet.

17.25pm

When I shut my eyes I can see suitcases and suitcase trolleys.

17.30pm

Check in!!!!!!!!! Now to wait three more hours for the flight…

There you go. I hope you enjoyed reading about my day as much as I enjoyed experiencing it…

How to make whiskey chicken, and survive...

2011-05-12T09:20:00.000-07:00

Hello! I've been on a blogging hiatus but I've been getting the itch and feel that I ought to start blogging again.

But where does one pick up after such a long time? One picks up by writing about food, obviously! So, for your pleasure here is my recipe for Whiskey Chicken.

I made it up this very afternoon, and it was so delicious I ended up eating all of it. An entire crock-pot-for-one full. And I don't feel remotely guilty.

Ingredients

Three skinned chicken thighs, preferably free range or organic (you can buy cheap high quality poultry from the nearly-out-of-date shelf in Tesco and freeze it).
Two sticks of celery, chopped into large chunky bits
A handful of lentils, barley and dried peas
Half a red onion
Half a leek
About four cloves of garlic
Chicken stock
Creole spice, smoked paprika
Sea salt to taste
300 mls of water
One teaspoon of flour to thicken
One tablespoon of whiskey
Eye of newt hair of cat, etc. (not really)

Instructions

Plug in and switch on Slow Cooker, low heat. This is important.
Make sure the chicken has no fat or skin (otherwise it melts, and in a slow cooker this is grim grim grim), then chop into 1 inch pieces
Bung everything into the pot
Add the water, stock, spices and whiskey
Give it a stir
Leave for 6-8 hours
Stir again, occasionally
Do not slug whiskey from the bottle whilst the casserole is cooking. You will get drunk and won't appreciate the grub.
Serve with hot crusty bread

Serves two, unless you're me and you eat it all at once.

Enjoy!

Sian xxx

Compulsory HIV testing for all. Is this is a good thing?

2009-11-15T02:35:00.000-08:00

The government have unveiled new plans to introduce compulsory HIV testing into GPs surgeries over the next few years.

Currently over a quarter of the population may be carrying the HIV virus without realising. Interesting statistic - there is no reference as to where they got the data though. Saying that, I did a quick PubMed search and found this abstract that looks as though it may be the source - it seems as though there is a big push to 'normalise' HIV testing.

Of course there is a moral imperative to provide early diagnosis and treatment of HIV infection, this isn't in dispute. I know first hand what it is like to see a family member die from AIDS and it's pretty horrific. For the record, this instance involved an NHS blunder where a relative was given a blood transfusion after he was hit by a teenage joy rider. The blood was infected with HIV. So I understand the need for treatment, I really do.

But to be forced into having an HIV test has serious implications in terms of insurance and I feel it could encourage discrimination. Possibly.

Currently, if someone chooses to have an HIV test, insurance companies can argue that your lifestyle is dangerous - even if the test is negative - and they can invalidate your insurance. This approach is currently being looked at on account of it being a bit on the draconian side.

But what if everyone was forced to have regular HIV tests? What would happen to those who opted out or refused? Will that effect their insurance adversely?

Secondly, this pilot scheme will initially target at-risk populations - people who are black, people who are gay, etc - but will this lead to discrimination?

I'm unsure what I think about this - I know there's a desperate need for early diagnosis, but it's the 'compulsory' bit that jars I guess...

R-R-R-Radio!

2009-11-14T05:26:00.000-08:00

This Wednesday I had the pleasure of interviewing the Urban Folk Quartet when they played The Grand in Clitheroe live for The Drift on BBC Radio Lancashire.

They raised the roof and managed to convert half the audience into full on folkies. People walked into the the room reasonably trendy and came out telling people to 'Folk off and get yer own ale mug!' Such was the power of the band.

Anyway, the recording of their live performance will go out on The Drift next Friday from 8pm. But in the meantime you can listen to my take on the gig on BBC iPlayer (the piece starts at 21.30 mins into the programme)...

Enjoy!

Sian xx

Shoplifters of the World Unite: My morning rant

2009-11-11T01:09:00.000-08:00

Has anyone seen this article about the rise of the middle class shoplifter? In a nutshell, the recession has hit middle class households in the South a lot harder than everyone else - because let's face it, they and the ultra rich bankers (and MPs) seem to be the only people who benefited from the 'Good Times'. Those in the lower socio-economic strata can't lose what they never had.

I can back up my statement with my own experience in London. I was earning a decent living as an editor, but was crippled by back-breaking debt. Like many people my age and in my situation (there were a lot of us) I couldn't afford to live anywhere half decent, so I paid stupid rent to live in Dickensian slums - with other professionals. The last house I was in looked like Fred West's from the outside (minus the corpses), the landlord was probably a criminal, and no matter how much you cleaned it, it always looked grimy and filthy. Everything was broken, the carpets were worn through and tatty, the curtains were older than my parents and the plaster work was crumbling off the walls. It stank of dirt and poverty. Yet my housemates included an architect, an environmental health officer and a camera woman. This wasn't unusual - educated, professional young people in ridiculous amounts of debt (thanks to student loans, tuition fees and a government-approved credit card culture that drove the economy up until the Credit Crunch) all living in slums. Very Victorian.

Anyway, I digress...

Why did this article get me thinking? Well, these people who were 'hit hard' by the recession have been shoplifting to maintain their affluent lifestyle. Favourite target stores probably include Waitrose, M&S and Sainsburies. Items no doubt include Tesco's Finest Caremalised Onion Chutney, a selection of olives and cheesy bread sticks, any mid-range perfume and/or Max Factor make-up and probably a nice bottle of Pinot Grigio.

For me, this could be seen as an interesting metaphor for our approach to environmentalism. I was talking to my parents last night about The Great Pacific Garbage Patch. Ever heard of that one? It's an island made of the world's refuse, larger than Continental America, slap bang in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Sailors try to avoid it.

I also read about the Government's plans to force 10 new nuclear power stations onto the UK, whether we want them or not. NO plans for veto from local people and no substantial research by independent bodies (and let's not forget the 'research' that resulted in the Iraq War - I don't trust these politicians as far as I can throw them). And what for?

Fair enough, we need energy to heat out homes and provide electricity and to produce more stuff. Heat and electricity, fine. Producing more stuff though? How much more stuff do we need? We have a continental floating dustbin on our planet full of the stuff we didn't want. Can we afford to produce more? Why not re-use, re-use and re-use? It's what generations did up until around 40 years ago. Forty years of planetary insanity.

So like these middle class shoplifters who steal to maintain their unsustainable lifestyle, we buy into a society that steals resources we can ill afford to keep producing stuff we don't need. And we're going to use the most dangerous, most polluting, uranium-cancer-causing way to do it. At least in the UK. Horrific isn't it.

Twitter tutorial

2009-11-06T04:26:00.000-08:00

As promised, here is an online Twitter Tutorial which is very useful for getting started!

How To Use Twitter on Howcast

You can also find out all sorts of interesting hints, tips and tricks at the Twitter How To blog.

So when you're ready to get started, go to www.twitter.com sign up and get started!

And as I mentioned in the presetation, Twitter isn't the only tool out there - there is so much to choose from that will suit you and your business...

Enjoy!

Sian xx

UNIQUE Women in Business presentation

2009-11-04T08:15:00.000-08:00

Today I had the pleasure of giving a presentation about Web 2.0 and social networking to the UNIQUE Women in Business Lunch & Learn session at the Eagle in Barrow, Lancs. A very lovely venue!

I was pleased to be presenting alongside some real movers and shakers in North West Media-land - namely Ziplah Hartley, TV presenter of C4's 'A Place in the Sun' and Director of Raising the Roof Productions, and Richard Slater, Director of Slater PR and former heavy-weight journalist (The Independent, the Lancashire Evening Telegraph, and more).

The theme of today's presentation was Communication. Ziplah kicked off the series of presentations with an insightful talk about the power of body language, giving us some powerful examples of the importance of visual communication. I really enjoyed her use of multimedia during her presentations - with videos from her production company (V. impressive!), and learned that I really need to watch what I do with my hands when I talk!

Richard gave a useful introduction on how to write effective press releases and place your story into the press. Top tips include the following:

Use the '5 Ws': Who, what, where, why, and when. I would deign to add 'How' - which isn't a 'w' but there you go;
Follow the 'Inverted Pyramid' style of writing (i.e., all the important elements of the story are introduced at the start of the article, and the less important, fluffy parts get mentioned towards the bottom); and
Limit your opening sentence to around 24 words. It's harder than you think...

And my presentation was about the joys of social networking. Unfortunately the computer crashed and I was denied the opportunity to show off my new Prezi presentation (a Flash-based application that effectively animates your slides). Ah well, these things happen!

But as promised to those who were present, here is my presentation - just click on the tab in the center and then click on the presentation for it to take you through the animation. You might want to take a sea-sick tablet before doing so, there's a lot of zooming!

You can see the larger version here, it might be a bit more workable!

I'd also like to take this opportunity to reiterate my main points from my talk:

Social networking is can be a very powerful tool if used in the right way;
You really need to have something to say, and know your audience in order to reap the benefits;
Twitter can be used as a platform for calls to action, as well as a way to communicate directly with your target audience and to find out what people are Tweeting about.

I hope this information is useful, I certainly felt that the other presentations were worth while!

Flutter by, butterflies...

2009-07-12T14:46:00.000-07:00

Hello folks, it's been a while since I posted - something I hope to rectify from this week onwards.

This week I thought I'd get around to putting up some images of rare and exotic butterflies that I filmed during my trip to Florida Keys (incidentally, you can read about my road trip here).

But before you looks at these amazing creatures in all their psychedelic glory, here are some interesting butterfly facts for you:

Butterfly wings are coated with hundreds of thousands of tiny scales. The browns and blacks are caused by melatonin pigment, but the vivid colours are caused by light reflecting off the scales. Anti-aging creams kind of do that, but without the reds, greens and iridescent blues...

Butterflies can live from one week, to one year (or more) depending on the species.

Some butterfly larvae communicate with ants. Yes, that's right, they form alliances with ants, through the medium of vibrations and chemical signals. It seems that the ants protect the larvae, and the larvae secrete honey-dew flavoured ant food in return.

Butterflies come from caterpillars. Some caterpillars have the ability to inflate their heads so they look like snakes. BAM!

Some butterflies migrate, and fly over very long distances, sometimes thousands of miles. They use the sun's position to navigate and can even detect polarized light.

Mother Nature, you've gotta love her!

Enjoy xx

She flew through the air with the greatest of ease...

2009-05-02T15:10:00.000-07:00

As part of a press trip to Florida Keys, I had the opportunity to take to the skies with Fred Cabanas, champion race pilot and aerobatics expert. Here is what happened...

Okay, so I screamed a lot, but who wouldn't? The whole experience went against every instinct in my body. Flying in a tiny by-plane. Upside-down. Over the sea. All the senses were screaming 'Keep your eyes shut!!!' but I didn't want to miss one single second. It was the most amazing feeling and the most spectacular thing I have ever seen in my life, ever.

Oh, and I flew the plane as well (!!!!!!!!!!!!!). I steered the plane into a left-handed roll where the plane spun around several times whilst hurtling towards the ground. Then I steered the plane way up into the sun. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek. That bit still hasn't sunk in yet.

More information about Fred Cabanas' aerobatics can be found at his website. He is the coolest man I know!

Sci-Fi stories in six words

2009-04-08T14:28:00.000-07:00

Here's a gem of a blog I've just found. Sci-Fi Stories in Six Words...

Okay, I'm a self-confessed geek, and I love sci-fi. Well, I have been known to dip my toe into the pond of science and bioethics in the past (see my site for deets). Anyway, this blog presents a sci-fi version of Haiku (probably minus the syntax, structure and word count, but what the Hell, I'm no expert).

My personal faves are (and in no particular order)...

I'm falling for my own clone

Courts deny their marriage. Robots riot.

Moo translator invented. Beef industry shutdown

"I'm not a robot!" insisted robot.

Okay, so more of a succinct synopsis, but they were pressing all my geek buttons at once and I felt the need to share...

Enjoy!

There's no such thing as news

2009-04-07T04:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, in a staggering display of lazy journalism, probably compounded by lazy SEO (search engine optimisation), I came across a depressing example of "No News News".

The Daily Mail hysterically reported how Russell Brand 'taunted' Jack Straw on Twitter over his sons' DRUG HELL (an exaggeration, but when in Rome...) and 'demanded' that the Blackburn MP fork out money spent on the Iraq war. Why? Because he was probably irked about having to pay £150,000 over the Sachgate affair. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn.

What he actually said was:

I demand Jack Straw pays the 7bn pounds he squandered on the Iraq war that we didn't want. No wonder his son has to toke himself to sleep.

I read this, thought "Oh", and then did something else. Conversely the Daily Mail have so far managed to string out two substantially large shocked and appalled news articles about said Twitter Chunter.

Of course they've also managed to shoehorn columns and columns of anti-Beeb rhetoric, and frankly I'd be shocked if they didn't harp on about Saschgate.

For those who need a reminder (and don't expect me to give much air time to this) - Johnathan Ross and Brand left some inappropriate messages on the answering machine of Andrew Sachs about Brand sleeping with his grand-daughter - a stripper in a troupe called the Satanic Sluts, who's done a lot of hardcore S&M pornography. Not quite the Shy English Rose that the Daily Shriek makes her out to be. Anyway, I digress...

There was a massive earthquake in Italy over the weekend killing hundreds, North Korea is hurling nuclear missiles around East Asia, and we're entering the worst recession since WWII. So what if Brand and Ross offended some slapper and her grandfather?

Some perspective, please...

Keira Knightley stars in hard hitting domestic violence film

2009-04-05T04:46:00.000-07:00

Keira Knightley stars in a hard hitting short video launched by Women's Aid to raise awareness about domestic violence.

Knightley says: "I wanted to take part in this advert for Women's Aid because while domestic violence exists in every section of society, we rarely hear about it. We may not think we know someone who has experienced domestic violence, but this does not mean that it is not happening. Domestic violence affects one in four women at some point in their lifetime and kills two women every week. Without the services provided by Women's Aid, many more women could be at risk of being killed, yet without donations the charity may not exist this time next year."

Another important charity is Refuge, that provides safehouses for women and children who are experiencing domestic violence. Unfortunately the ongoing economic climate puts many of these houses at risk of closure.

I'll be running 10K in London on May 26th to raise money for Refuge, with the target being £400.00. Please sponsor me on my Justgiving page below, it's for a really REALLY good cause! And if you wish, you can read my interview with Michelle Major about her experiences with domestic violence.

The ultimate fairground ride. If it existed...

2009-04-04T08:56:00.000-07:00

The New Scientists reports that scientists at The University of Colorado, Boulder, US, have figured out what it would look like to fall into a black hole.

Black holes are heavy. Unimaginably heavy. We're talking 5 million times heavier than the weight of the sun. And they're hungry. They'll eat everything - sound, light, matter. Nothing can escape it's voracious appetite. Not even these delectable delights.

So this trip of a lifetime would mean certain death. But what a way to go...

Bernard Wrigley live at The Scouts Hut, Lancaster

2009-03-20T06:25:00.000-07:00

A short video I did of comedian, actor and songster, Bernard Wrigley. Enjoy!

Michelle Major talks about domestic violence: Part Two

2009-03-16T08:00:00.000-07:00

In the second part of my interview with Michelle Major, an artist and public speaker who advocates survivors of domestic abuse, Michelle talks about how she used the Internet as an effective way of raising awareness of domestic abuse, and educating women on the warning signs of an abusive relationship.

How important is it to raise awareness of domestic violence?
I did not grow up in a violent home and was never exposed to the ugly world of domestic violence, so when I was being swept off my feet by this romantic yet dominating man I had no idea about the warning signs.

I think it is crucial to educate teenagers about what the definition of real love and caring actually is. I have been teaching for eighteen years and I have seen so many young girls be tricked by that illusion of romance coupled with the traits of possessiveness and jealousy disguised as love.

Girls need to understand that when a boy checks their phone messages and punches a locker because the girl is talking to another boy—this is not love. There is nothing special about being a possession. I believe there is a HUGE need for education.

Control and abuse comes in so many forms other than physical, many forms are subtle and are often misconstrued as other things.

What inspired you to use the Internet to display your work and reach out to other women?
I had always used the Internet as a means to display my artwork, so it seemed only natural to use it as a way to tell my story.

I feel that my story is very powerful because to the slashing of ninety-four of my paintings. I realized the more people in my community view my butchered artwork, the wider the door becomes for another abused woman to come forward and tell her story.

My strength to come out from behind those societal taboo doors of domestic abuse allows others to open up and start the healing process.

I realized that each time I shared my story an impact was made on someone, be it a mother who told me her daughter was being abused, or a woman who told me about a past marriage where she was hurt and has never fully healed, or a woman who told me her mother was beaten daily and she grew up watching this happen.

As an artist, putting hurt on canvas helped heal my wounds quicker than any other therapy, and I have realized that is a powerful tool to help other women heal by sharing their story.

The more a woman opens up and talks about her own personal experiences past or present, the more scope there is for healing.

You also use social networking sites such as Facebook to engage directly with other people. How useful have you found this?

So many people have a story to tell, and when someone else has been there and knows what abuse feels like, knows what terror feels like, and ultimately knows what survival feels like - hope can be found there.

People commiserate and feel empathetic to a survivor of domestic violence, yet no one can truly say "I know how you feel. I understand what you are going through" unless they have experienced that trauma.

Facebook and other social networking sites are the ultimate catalyst for sharing and healing. The internet can reach into the nooks and crannies of the world and touch more people than our minds could possibly fathom.

The bottom line of my story is - if that woman can do it, get out, leave the abuse, survive and begin to actually live life after almost dying at her husband's hands—maybe, just maybe, I can too.

Although personally I may never meet each woman who sees my artwork, views my website, or views my posts on domestic violence forums, what a woman takes away may be her own safety, or even life.

Link to Part One

Women's Aid Homepage

Refuge Homepage

Michelle Major talks about domestic violence: Part One

2009-03-16T06:20:00.000-07:00

I recently wrote an article about domestic violence for Handbag.com and I was inspired by the women I spoke to, all of whom have experienced extreme pain and abuse at the hands of their so-called ‘loved ones’.

One of the women I interviewed was Michelle Major, an artist, teacher, and public speaker on domestic abuse.

After two years of an abusive marriage, Michelle’s husband slashed her paintings and in a brutal attack he beat her, strangled her and left her for dead.

Michelle escaped and lived to tell her tale. Her ex-husband is now in prison, and she is rebuilding her life and using her experience to help other women, be it through her artwork, her public speaking or discussing her story online.

Although she is mentioned in the Handbag.com article, I wanted to publish her full transcript here as well. I’ve published this in two parts, you can read Part Two here.

Here Michelle talks about how she coped with the violence, her faith, and discusses people’s perceptions on domestic violence. Her account is articulate, powerful and harrowing, and raises some very important points.

How did you find the strength to turn your experience of domestic violence into something constructive and positive?

No matter what trial I have ever gone through, I have relied on my faith to carry me through. This 'trial' was the ultimate test of my faith.

One day it clicked that I could either continue to drown in a pit of self pity and ultimately remain a victim - not only to my abuser, but to my own baggage - or I could consciously move forward, stop looking in the rear-view mirror and not only survive, but actually begin to live.

I feel like we are able to learn, grow and help others from all our experiences, not only the positive. So I asked God what could I take away to give to others from this nightmare. It certainly wasn't an overnight transformation, but it did happen.

One thing I realized was instrumental in my healing and moving forward was allowing myself to grieve the loss of my hopes, dreams, and my husband. I had to really experience the pain of all that loss, in addition to the trauma of a violent event.

So many people drown in their pain in order to avoid hurt. I faced the hurt head on, dealt with it and ultimately was able to move past that pain into the light.

As an artist, painting helped me face hurting, yet even if you aren't a painter things like writing, exercising, or just being alone with your thoughts and feelings can help you work through your grief.

Another important factor in finding strength to move forward is the realization you have to rely on yourself for strength. I have met many women who do not fully face their hurt because they turn to another human in hope that they can project their love onto that individual, or they turn to another for rescue.

I learned quickly the only person that can save you during this aftermath is yourself. Nobody else. Friends and family are wonderful and supportive, but it all boils down to finding your own strength—using your own voice.

What stops women from simply walking away?

I think that was my mindset once upon a time. What I realized during the two short years of being abused is that the abuse comes on so slowly that you don't even realize you are being abused until it becomes undeniable, and by then you are trapped by emotions, finances, and fear.

My husband was extremely verbally and emotionally abusive. He was also very manipulative and was able to twist all arguments around to where I was to blame.

I needed to do better. I pushed his buttons. If only I would do this or that he wouldn't be "set off".

I eventually stopped pushing back and defending myself, yet I would still 'set him off'.

Abuse is a no win situation. You cannot stop the abuser no matter what methods you try.

On the other hand, my husband was the most romantic and loving man I have ever met. He could sweep me off my feet with a song, a slow dance or just a look. I wanted that illusion of romantic love so badly, for that to be my husband, that I bought into the 'I'm sorry" and "I'll do better" and the "I can't live without you—help me be the man I am meant to be".

I wanted to believe in him so I turned a blind eye to the abuse, until the physical abuse became too undeniable.

For those of us who are familiar with domestic violence, we also know that 'just leaving' can easily become a matter of life and death for a victim. The abuser will not just let her leave.

Financial planning and escape plans are a must if you are being abused and are wanting to get out, because so often the threat of abuse can turn into attempted murder when leaving an abuser. I know. My husband continued to tell me he would kill me if I ever left and once I tried to leave, he tried to murder me by strangling me.

I have a college degree and have had an eighteen year career as a teacher, yet living on my own with a baby has been the hardest financial thing I have had to do. I do not know how women without the economical means or who have multiple children can just 'leave' an abuser.

It is totally clear to me how a woman can be bound emotionally and financially to her abuser. It's a horrible cycle and it is VERY difficult to break free. There is no black and white 'just leave' scenario.

Link to Part Two

Women's Aid homepage

Refuge Homepage

Old Blog on New Blog...

2009-03-13T06:03:00.000-07:00

This is an old blog from my, well, old blog. It made me chuckle so I thought I'd reproduce it here. My humble thoughts on Condolezza Rice's 2006 visit to Blackburn and the North West...

Condolezza Rice Visits Blackburn Shocker
It has been suggested by a few cynics that the benevolent Mz. Rice's visit to Blackburn, Lancashire, is nothing more than a shoddy publicity stunt - a photo opportunity with a load of local working class Muslims in one of Blackburn's many Islamic Mosques.

But I say No! Surely not!

So I figured I'd compile a list of Blackburn's many attractions that I'm sure are the real reasons why Mz. Rice - International Pacifist and the Spreader of Feel-Good Will - is popping in to say hello.

Blackburn: What has it got to offer?
Well for a start Jack Straw and pals might want to take Mz. Rice to 'splash into action' at Waves - which sports a pink and blue wave pool, full to the brim with delicious germ soup.

Guarenteed to give any young child tonsilitis, cold sores, or bronchitis after one quick dip, it's the perfect breeding ground for pathogenic bacteria. You name it, your kid will catch it. You can even hire beach balls for 1.50, and theres a great communal jacuzzi for the parents!

Alternatively, with her busy schedule and hectic lifestyle Mz. Rice could treat herself to some much needed relaxing shopping therapy around Blackburn's State of the Art Arndale centre - home to retail outlets such as TK MAX, where I'm sure she'd be pleased to know that you can pick up designer gear for less than half the price. Blackburn also offers Superdrug, and Everythings A Pound - I can guarentee that she'll pick up some Amazing Bargains!

And if that's not enough, Mz Rice can Dine Out In Style at one of Blackburn's numerous eating establishments. There's a lot she can choose from - the ever popular McDonalds, Burger King, or even Kentucky Fried Chicken. Spoiled for choice, Mz. Rice will probably not want to leave!

Finally, to end a "Blackburn Day of Fun", she could choose to enjoy the local youth culture and go ice-skating, or even hang around the recently refurbished Blackburn bus station. Don't worry Mz. Rice, even though there's no bar you can purchase our finest bottled cider from our local drinking shops - I recommend Kiwi 20/20, you can even have it without ice...

I'm sure that Mz. Rice will have receive a warm, sunny 'Blackburn Welcome' during her visit. And with a bit of luck she might even end up 'Dropping Her Chips'...

As they say in them there parts - Ey' up Chuck!

Guest Blog! Wayne Teague on the reVamp of the Horror flick

2009-03-03T00:49:00.000-08:00

Re-make, re-boot, or re-imagine?

Looking towards the next few months of cinema releases you may notice one or five horror flicks about to descend on your local multiplex.

Now hands up in back who knew that Friday The 13th is a remake. About half of you? Last House on the Left? My Bloody Valentine 3-D? Anyone? Anyone beside the man at the back with the Sideshow Bob hair and World of Warcraft T-Shirt? Exactly as I thought. Now get yourself on IMDB, key in any of the above titles and you'll see at least one hundred and one people getting their knickers in a twist. Why? Well fanboys out there don’t like anybody touching the Sacred Cows of Horror.

They assume because they know these films of old (well late 70’s early 80’s) then everyone should, and they should revere them as they do.

Now I'm a horror film junkie, but would never expect anyone else out there to know that Last House on the Left was Wes Craven's first film, that the producer of Last House on the Left went on to direct the original Friday the 13th, or that My Bloody Valentine had 9 minutes of gore cut by the MPAA.

By the same token I recognise that these films, whilst classics to horror buffs, mean nothing to mainstream cinema viewers. So why not remake them a bit flashier with a prettier cast so the kids watching these flicks can go back to the originals and delve back into the murkier depths of the horror genre?

I welcome a good remake (see The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Hills Have Eyes reboots) and detest bad ones (Prom Night, April Fools Day….urgh).

Horror films run in cycles, be it Haunted house/Slasher/J-Horror/torture porn, and when their time is up (normally by about the 5th sequel for the first successful film of that cycle) we move onto the next - normally a retread of one that has gone before.

So right now we are entering the third slasher cycle, the first being the mid 70’s to early 80’s, the second from Scream in 1996 to Scream 3 in 2000, and now we have the "slasher reboot" cycle. I do hope that these new retreads will stay true to the originals whilst introducing the characters to a wider audience. FT13th, the most successful original of this new remake cycle, deserves the reboot after a succession of more nonsensical sequels culminating in the truly dire Freddy Vs Jason.

Hopefully the new Jason will scare the Bejesus out of a whole new generation of kids (PHs. for the fans online bemoaning the fact that Jason runs in the new film, check out FT13th parts 2-4 and I think you’ll find he occasionally moved at a sprightly pace in those) So for all the haters out there, wait till you’ve seen the remakes before getting the (Re)boot in, and remember these films aren’t for you, there for the new kids on the block who’ve never heard of Jason or Michael or The Miner or Crosby or Krug & Co. For any horror fans out there check out www.bloodydisgusting.com and www.arrorwinthehead.com for all your horror fix needs.

(c) 2009 Wayne Teague

Another fabulous anti-politician article. There's a pattern emerging here...

2009-03-02T00:42:00.001-08:00

Charlie Brooker has pulled his finger out of his bottom and produced this splendid article.

Brooker spits vitriol better than most people, and this time it's against the politicians who have led us into an illegal war, and condoned and aided in the torture of terrorism suspects thereby undermining our democratic and legal system (making martyrs out of potential mass murderers in the process). The politicans who helped create a culture where it's acceptable for the government to spy on it's own people, and where the general populace is treated with absolute, utter contempt.

New Labour, Tory or Lib Dem, there is little difference, and we're left with few political options. It's a matter of time before left- and right-extremists crawl out of the woodwork and start having a field day. And according to the Daily Star (I know, I know...) BNP are already stoking the 'Summer of Rage' (which has been labelled before it's even happened). And New Labour will only have themselves to blame.

Never in a million years did I think that the Labour government (or New Labour, as it is now) would be such an insidiously awful administration. I deeply regret giving them my vote.

At least with the Tories you know what you're getting: they're a bunch of snakes who will stab you in the back as soon as look at you. You'd have to be out of your mind to vote them in.

But New Labour were wolves in sheeps clothing. They decieved and betrayed the electorate and have morphed into a morally and financially bankrupt government. And now I can't figure out which one is worse.

Contribution from Karol J Gajewski on David Cameron quoting Tony Benn

2009-02-27T03:49:00.000-08:00

Karol J Gajewski has written extensively on the life and times of Pope Pius XII, in particularly how the Nazis treated the church. Needless to say, he is an expert in this particular field.

I was very happy that Karol took the time to comment on David Cameron's recent article on Guardian Unlimited. So happy, in fact, that I've decided to flag it up as a post in it's own right. He raises some very interesting points, but I'm sure you'll gather that if you read on...

Sian, at the risk of flying into the intellectual stratosphere, I'm going to critique the article - albeit briefly.

What David Cameron is talking about is not an idea that springs from Tony Benn in isolation, although he may well have emphasised its 'socialist' aspects.

The theme of subsidiarity in economic/political organisation as against unjust wealth distribution and, later attempts at State monopoly whether of the left or right-wing variety, was highlighted by two popes: Leo XIII and Pius XI.

In his encyclical 'Rerum Novarum' published in 1891, Leo emphasised the growing dangers of rampant, unregulated capitalism (how about that as a pointer to today's global dislocations?). In 1931, as the Great Depression took hold, Pius re-examined Leo's themes in 'Quadragesimo Anno'.

Times had changed in the forty years between these two encyclicals - the latter coming after the Great War and contemporary with the rise of Mussolini's Fascist Party and the excesses of Lenin and Stalin.

The Nazis still had to make their critical electoral breakthrough, but the portents of a coming storm were all too clear. Pius warned of the dangers of an over-weening government, stifling political dissent and imposing atheistic values by coercive means, i.e using the Gun and The Gulag.

G. K. Chesterton also examined how working class grievances, e.g., the struggle for a 'just wage' could be assuaged. His answer, echoing the aforementioned popes, in which he argued strongly for a retreat from the twin extremes of Communism and Fascism, came to be labelled 'Distributism'.

It was to fade in the turmoil of the Second World War, later dismissed by its critics as smacking of an outmoded feudalism, but the germ of the idea was not really forgotten (except perhaps by David Cameron).

For example, in the early 1970s, the economist E. Schumacher published 'Small Is Beautiful: Economics as though people mattered'. This appeared as oil prices began to soar, globalisation and its attendant ills became manifest and unemployment rose inexorably.

Sounds familiar doesn't it?

New Labour and their never ending quest for micro-management...

2009-02-27T03:24:00.000-08:00

I've just read this superb article by the children's author Philip Pullman in the Times Online.

I'll comment on it more later today, but I just wanted to highlight it because a) it's a bloody good read, and b) it galvanizes my feelings towards New Labour's relentless quest to mollycoddle, control and exploit the populace.

And yes, they've lost my vote. They lost it when they fell in love with George Bush, invaded Iraq, introduced ID cards (BIG No-No), did a big policy U-turn on tuition fees then cranked up the debt burden, and cuddled up to Big Business in bed. I can just imagine Gordon Brown and Tony Blair spooning HBOS in some weird threesome before they started with the domestics.

Oh, and before I forget, here's a link to another blog I did for Allaboutyou.com, about what a petty, invasive and nasty country the UK has turned out to be (in terms of pervasive CCTV surveillance, getting yelled at through monitors, and generally being spied on ALL THE TIME).

Anyway, back to the article... It's great to see a little bit of creativity and poetic license when putting your point across. Albion sleeps whilst the malevolent government strips him of his dignity and whispers hateful lies into his ears - what a great notion!

Hmmmm, might have a look into the greatest creative political metaphors, speeches and narratives of all time. Any ideas?

Fat or skinny - irrelevant if you're veins are full of stale chip fat

2009-02-25T11:17:00.000-08:00

I came across this fab article by Mrs R, author of the Woman of Experience blog, and just had to comment on it. Mrs R does not pull her punches. And quite rightly so.

The gist of this blog relates to Beth Ditto’s recent cover shoot on Conde Naste’s new fashion mag Love (which, for the record, I can’t wait to get my mits on), and it raises the issue about the terminology of the female figure in fashion.

In particular, since when did ‘curvy’ become a euphemism for obese? Morbidly so, in Beth Ditto’s case.

Beth Ditto is very overweight. She looks great, she’s very happy in herself, but she is way beyond ‘curvy’.

The fashion world does tend to polarize towards extremes – from skeletal chic Size Zero to “curvy” overweight indie popsters. So where is the middle ground? (Answer – there is none. Take Jessica Simpson’s recent outing as a FAT SIZE 12. That was just mean. She looks great.

Now, as the former managing editor of the cardiology website InCirculation.net I learned a thing or two about heart disease, the Body Mass Index (BMI), diabetes, and what constitutes “healthy” with regards to body mass.

Take hypertension (high blood pressure), which is one of the major precursors to cardiovascular disease, heart failure and stroke. Anyone can get it, but you’re more likely to have it if you’re fat. That’s fat, not “big”, there is a difference…

Of course people of all body shapes and sizes can have high blood pressure and elevated cholesterol levels (Ms Katona, take note. You may want to think twice about chowing down on your cheese-pie-burgers-and-ice-cream...).

I have met the skinniest of people who suffer from atherosclerosis (fatty plaques and deposits that build up on the inside of your poor, tired blood vessels), and I have also met some very healthy women who have a high BMI, but are physically fit.

You see, BMI doesn’t take into consideration muscle mass, which is denser than fatty tissue. And it doesn’t measure your LDL levels either.

But, make no bones about it, a morbidly obese person with a BMI of over 30, a la Beth Ditto, is a walking cholesterol-laden timebomb and they need to lose weight for the sake of their health. Not for the sake of approval, or for the sake of looking nice in clothes. But, quite literally, for the sake of their lives.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Beth Ditto and have a lot of respect for her. She’s progressive, she’s stylish and has successfully turned herself into a fashion icon by challenging the norms, charming the media and gathering a huge following based on style and wit. But just like the painfully thin Size Zero Brigade the girl ain't the picture of health. She's merely on the other end of the scale.

Yet I don’t think she would be half as famous at half her size, and clearly her success is a positive message to all women out there.

Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes and this should be celebrated. But ultra skinny and ultra fat gives the wrong message health-wise.

I just wish that being healthy and happy was something to aspire to, rather than being able to count your ribs/rolls (delete as appropriate) in the mirror.

I shall step down from my soap box now…

I'm doing the BUPA 10,000 run to raise money for Refuge! Please sponsor me!!!!

2009-02-25T05:47:00.000-08:00

David Cameron championing Tony Benn in Guardian shocker!

2009-02-17T03:33:00.000-08:00

I thought I'd seen it all in the topsy turvy world of politics, but David Cameron's article in today's Guardian Unlimited has left me scratching my head in genuine bemusement.

The Tory leader is championing Tony Benn (1. my personal hero, and 2. WTF?), calling for major decentralisation, and... well, I'm just a bit taken aback that he's been quoting Tony Benn really. I mean, REALLY?

Notes from a small town...

2009-02-07T08:21:00.000-08:00

The recession is biting, and many people from this neck of the woods are starting to feel the pinch. Three-day weeks, reduced hours, and frozen pay cheques are now run of the mill. The worry and anguish is almost palpable.

And predictably, it seems as though people need little excuse for their inner right-wing extremist pixies to rear their ugly heads. Sure enough the prospect of economic turmoil turfs up the usual “Daily Hate” shrieks of xenophobic outrage, shock and annoyance.

Depressingly, those of us with more rational thought processes are in the minority. Reactionary reactions rule in Oswaldtwistle, and it’s becoming more depressing by the day.

Take this example. I was talking to a regular in my local pub, and the following conversation took place (honestly, I’m not making this up):

Regular: “My son is a genius, the stuff he comes out with. Honestly, he really challenges you…” (shakes head).
Me: “Really?”
Regular: “Oh aye. Listen to this. He was in here t’other night, and he said to everyone, right, that Hitler was a genius. Honestly, he had everyone floored.”
Me: “Hitler was a genius?”
Regular: “Aye. He was a bit of a bastard, but you have to give it to him. The man was a genius.”
Me: “Right. Why?”
Regular: “Why what?”
Me: “Was he a genius?”
Regular: “Hitler?”
Me: “Yep. What did Hitler give to humanity that put him up there with Einstein and Mozart?”
Regular: “Rocket science.”
Me: “Rocket science?”
Regular: “Aye. We wouldn’t have rocket science if it weren’t for Hitler.”
Me: “Hitler wasn’t a rocket scientist. ”
Regular: “Granted, no. But the Third Reich was.”
Me: “So the Third Reich was a genius?”
Regular: “Aye, it was.”
Me: “You don’t actually know what you’re talking about, do you?”

Okay, so this was an extreme example, but the insidious comments that are crawling out of the woodwork are becoming more pervasive.

It’s worrying because nowadays people are becoming more vocal about their opinions, which are at best ludicrous and, more often than not, really offensive. And at what point does this spill out into actions opposed to words? The BNP must be having a field day.

Why is the bulk of society so quick to scapegoat minority groups? Surely they should be shaking their fists towards the sky, in a Daily Mail Stylee, at the real issues. Or are they too lazy/ignorant to figure out where their real gripes lie?

How much will our High Streets change?

2009-02-05T01:27:00.000-08:00

The big news today is that the Icelandic-backed Baugur Group will fall into administration after the nationalized Icelandic bank - Landsbanki - filed a petition for one of the major stakeholders. Landsbanki now has control over a number of Baugur's shareholders.

This also means that Baugur's shares in these companies - for example, a 39.5% stake in Jane Norman, around 35% in House of Frasier, and 35% in All Saints - are now up for grabs.

However, Drapers Online reported that it's still business as usual at the Baugur fashion firms - including Oasis, Warehouse, French Connection and Debenhams. Indeed, spokespersons from most of the named brands are keen to downplay the effect that Baugur's bankruptcy will have on their businesses, but according to an article in Guardian Unlimited all this could change depending on who buys the ailing company's shares.

It's all gobbledigook to me, I have about as much financial acumen as a monkey with a calculator. But even an arithmophobe like me can see that this could, and probably will drastically change the landscape of our High Streets as we know it.

My recent blog for Shuddo.co.uk looked at how many high street companies will be turning to the Internet for the bulk of their retail. Already many high street fashion retailers are embracing technology and using various social networking tools to reach out to a wider consumer base.

According to eMarketter, although shops on the high street are suffering, consumers continue to flock to online shops.

Top Shop, River Island and Miss Selfridge all have troupes of fashion bloggers engaging with us, the shoppers. And a new wave of creative thinking will probably see more unusual (and engaging) e-marketting techniques from these companies and many others.

Established online brands such as the footwear retail site Shudoo, and the lingerie site Figleaves are paving the way for the next generation of Internet shops, and this may help mold the shape of the (virtual) High Street of the future.

Graduate recruitment slashed. Scary stuff.

2009-01-11T05:35:00.000-08:00

I’m starting my blog with the depressing news that university graduates are facing the toughest struggle in history to find work.

This is something I’ve been experiencing first hand, having recently decided to change career from scientific editorial to the heady world of online journalism.

Unfortunately, choosing to do this in the midst of a global economic horror film wasn’t the wisest thing to do, but there you go. At least I have my health.

Anyway, over the weekend, the Guardian outlined the following evidence that graduates are up the creek without a paddle:

• Major companies have narrowed their search for graduates to five elite universities as they cut recruitment numbers.

• The organisers of the annual graduate recruitment "milk round" say jobs in finance and retail are drying up. Even where companies are recruiting, vacancies will not necessarily last until summer as the economic slump worsens.

• The management consultancy KPMG, seen as a recruitment barometer, says its 600 graduate entry jobs are nearly all taken months ahead of schedule as students scramble for the top jobs.

• Manchester University careers service, the largest outside London, has seen the number of recruitment adverts taken out with its careers service tail off drastically.

• Careers service managers have been inundated with desperate students who don't know what to do when they graduate because their plans are in tatters.

• The slump in graduate jobs threatens unemployment for people with lower or no qualifications as graduates turn their sights on non-graduate vacancies.

Ouch. This lack of opportunity will inevitably discourage potential students from applying to University. However, Francis Green, professor of economics at Kent University disagrees, telling the Times Online that:

“It doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing to get three years of education and end up in a fairly ordinary job. First, they may do that job better than they might otherwise have done and get paid more than nongraduates.

“Secondly, they should have gained some pleasure and benefit - studying English literature, for example, should at least mean they enjoy reading books more for the rest of their life.”

Excuse me? At least going to university gives you an appreciation for reading books? Aren’t schools supposed to do that? And the last time I looked, going to school (well, public schools) doesn’t run up crippling debt that can seriously impact your early career development and limit your opportunities.

A quick scour of various graduate recruitment sites shows how they’re feeling the strain, particularly in the finance industry. Banks are narrowing their search for finance jobs (quell surprise), with recruitment falling by 50% in 2007 and further cuts planned for 2009.

But this dearth of opportunity isn’t confined to banking, the pinch is almost universal.

Paul Farrer, chairman of PFJ recruitment told The Graduate Recruitment Company that media companies are ignoring the lessons from previous recessions and significantly cutting their graduate in-take, predicting that in a few years the industry will suffer an “extreme skills shortage”.

“Following the lessons of the last two economic downturns media companies have vowed to maintain strategy in recruiting fresh graduate talent to insure against skills shortages that are so costly in a growth economy. Sadly the handbreak is already on… and a huge potential source of energy and innovation is being quickly turned off.”

So what can us graduates do about it? Well, I don’t know to be honest. I’ve set up as self-employed because there are few journalism jobs in the North West, and am getting by writing for various clients. But I have no idea how this will pan out, and right now it’s a matter of survival, not growth and development.