Guess what happened to me today…

One of the major perks of being a freelance journo is the travel writing that I get to do. I love it! Who wouldn’t? Antigua, Miami, cruises, boot camps… it’s all been super fun.

So this is the thing. I was asked to write a feature on honeymoon destinations in Malta for a wedding publication I write for, and I was thrilled! So thrilled that when I received my itinerary, in my fuzzy ‘I’m going to Malta!!!!!’ rush I failed to read the check-in time properly. When I read 6.30, I didn’t see the ‘PM’ on the line below (my printer is naff). So I assumed it read 6.30am.

Has anyone ever spent 12 hours in an airport terminal for no apparent reason? The clue is in the word ‘terminal’. And what makes it worse is that it’s a direct result of my phenomenal dizziness. I really need to wake up sometimes.

So, to alleviate my boredom I’m going to describe, in minute detail, exactly what happened to me today whilst waiting in Terminal 4 of Heathrow airport. Prepare to be thrilled out of your mind…

5.45am

Leave easyHotel for airport. Oh yeah, I was soooo orgnaised that I booked a hotel to stay in the night before, just so I could start my exciting day of airport fun as early as humanly possible. Go me.

6.00am

Worry that there is no check-in desk open for Air Malta, despite my CLEARLY STATED departure time of 6.30.

6.15am

Ask Airport Ticket Services yet again why, despite the eTicket I was holding in my very hand, was there no airplane to take me to Malta? Airport Ticket Services look at me like I’m mad. I don’t know why. They are the mad ones.

6.30am

Decide that my eTicket is wrong, and aim to try and hop on the 10.50am Malta flight anyway, because that is the only flight to Malta listed on the Check-in information board.

6.31am

Find a spare seat, open laptop. Do work.

6.34am

Decide to have a cup of tea to calm down at Café Rouge instead. Then, having ordered said cup of tea, panic and cancel order. Run back to Air Malta check-in desk.

6.36am

Get told by staff not to come back until 8.30am.

6.40am

Too embarrassed to go back to Café Rouge. Decide to hide behind Airport Ticket Services instead. Open laptop, do some work.

8.30am

Go to check in. Refrain from calling the head of Air Malta and the Press Office due to niggling suspicion that something isn’t quite right. Thankfully there is quite a queue, confirming that there is indeed a flight to Malta from Terminal 4.

8.42am

Hand in passport, hand over suitcase, looking forward to being on a beach in Malta within hours. Only to be told very kindly by the bemused attendant that my flight isn’t due to take off until 8.30pm.

8.43am

Pick myself off the floor, die a thousand deaths, apologise and quietly head back to Café Rouge to deal with my idiocy. Hope they don’t spit in my tea.

8.50 – 10.50am

Comfort-eat for a couple of hours. Drink about 10 pints of coffee. Start to feel trippy. The staff keep coming across to ask if I’m okay. It’s nice that they care about my wellbeing. Do some more work on laptop. Thank the Lord for Wi Fi. Even if it costs £1,000,000 per minute.

11.00am

Brave the toilets. They smell of wee and there was a used sanitary towel on the floor of one of the cubicles. I want to cry.

11.01am

Find a nice corner. Open laptop. Work. Decide that I will not waste today and will be super-productive.

13.00pm

Get distracted by two Nigerians who are talking loudly about oil, telecommunications and religion. Which is what it’s all about at the end of the day, I guess.

14.30pm

Walk outside for some fresh air where everyone was smoking. Watch an airplane rev its engines. Went back inside.

14.35pm

Notice that there are only two shops in Terminal 4: a WH Smith and a luggage shop. Got worried that I found this really, really interesting.

14.45pm

Focused on work again, which was hard because I was bordering on the edge of hysteria by this point.

15.00pm

My mum calls me to see how things are going. We had a good old laugh at how silly I am. I laugh far too long and loudly. People start to stare and edge away.

16.00pm

Go outside, look at a bird. Go back inside.

16.05pm

Back in Café Rouge. Start laughing at my own internal dialogue. Out loud.

16.10pm

If I was an item of luggage, what item would I be and why?

16.30pm

Any thought about leaving Terminal 4 makes me afraid. I belong here. I don’t want to leave. Ever. This is my home now.

16.45pm

Brave the toilets again. Offensive used feminine hygiene product has been removed. I don’t envy the cleaners.

17.00pm

Back in Café Rouge. More coffee. Not really a good idea but at least I’ve not hit the bottle. Yet.

17.25pm

When I shut my eyes I can see suitcases and suitcase trolleys.

17.30pm

Check in!!!!!!!!! Now to wait three more hours for the flight…

There you go. I hope you enjoyed reading about my day as much as I enjoyed experiencing it…

How to make whiskey chicken, and survive...

Hello! I've been on a blogging hiatus but I've been getting the itch and feel that I ought to start blogging again.

But where does one pick up after such a long time? One picks up by writing about food, obviously! So, for your pleasure here is my recipe for Whiskey Chicken.


I made it up this very afternoon, and it was so delicious I ended up eating all of it. An entire crock-pot-for-one full. And I don't feel remotely guilty.

Ingredients

• Three skinned chicken thighs, preferably free range or organic (you can buy cheap high quality poultry from the nearly-out-of-date shelf in Tesco and freeze it).
• Two sticks of celery, chopped into large chunky bits
• A handful of lentils, barley and dried peas
• Half a red onion
• Half a leek
• About four cloves of garlic
• Chicken stock
• Creole spice, smoked paprika
• Sea salt to taste
• 300 mls of water
• One teaspoon of flour to thicken
• One tablespoon of whiskey
  
• Eye of newt hair of cat, etc. (not really)
  

Instructions

1. Plug in and switch on Slow Cooker, low heat. This is important.
2. Make sure the chicken has no fat or skin (otherwise it melts, and in a slow cooker this is grim grim grim), then chop into 1 inch pieces
   
3. Bung everything into the pot
   
4. Add the water, stock, spices and whiskey
   
5. Give it a stir
   
6. Leave for 6-8 hours
7. Stir again, occasionally
   
8. Do not slug whiskey from the bottle whilst the casserole is cooking. You will get drunk and won't appreciate the grub.
9. Serve with hot crusty bread

Serves two, unless you're me and you eat it all at once.

Enjoy!

Sian xxx